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4/17/08 04:17 pm - here's the deal

So.  About the other night.  I didn't mean to go berserk on the phone, so to Nate I apologize.  The reason I didn't want to go to the party is manifold.  First off, however, it has little to do with the five bucks.  I have been annoyed with you two lately, over the vicodin mostly, but basically not enough for me to bring it up to you guys.  I didn't want to make it a huge issue.  More bad shit has happened to me in the past 4 years then the rest of my life combined.  I'm not going through the trouble of an itemized list, but those of you who know me know I'm not bullshitting.  The last month or two, I have not been in a good mood at all.  When I'm in that sort of mood, I know that I tend to make small issues into big ones and to respond to petty grievances in a brutal, violent way.  Therefore, sometimes I need a break, untill my head is clear enough for me to appreciate and enjoy my friends.  I attempted to express that, through Jacquie, in a diplomatic and noncombative way.  The second worst thing you two could have done was to push the issue by calling up Jacq's phone, like Lara did, yelling and freaking out about don't we want to hang out with you.  That shit I find annoying.  The very worst was to text up giving me a damn ultimatum about either you come to my party or you ain't my friend no more.  I have never been one to respond well to ultimatums, and lately I really haven't been in the mood.  I didn't mean to snap as bad as I did, but that shit caused me to severely lose my temper.  I don't want to stop being friends over this.  I just wasn't in the mood to go to a party that day, with several kids there I hardly know, while not in the state of mind to really talk to anyone.  I had money to make on the North side, and that's about all the social interaction I really felt like dealing with.  I never called you two up all irate about the five bucks, and I never said anything to the effect of I wasn't coming over because of 5 bucks.  Another reason is that I frankly resent the fuck out of your dad's petty and unfair ban of people at the house.  I don't go places I ain't welcome.  Period.  Even that night, the ban was in effect and we couldn't be inside anywhere we could even smoke.  I'm 28 years old, and I am no longer used to being relegated to porches and garages by some bitch parent who wants to treat grown men like misbehaving highschoolers.  The five bucks only pissed me off because Lara owed it to Jacquie.  If it was mine, that would have been one thing, but it was Jacq's, so I had to take shit for it for quite some time, which I resent.  I also fell like it's the principle.  I was on the North side, busy as fuck, and broke because I'd had to give all my money to my PO that week.  So, I made it a priority in spite of those facts to come all the way over there and smoke the last bit of weed I even had with you, for free.  Just pay for the gas, I said, so I can at least break even.  Well, you didn't, because of your dad, who refused to pay you basically just to fuck me.  If I'm pissed severely at anyone over there, it's fucking Dale, not you two.  That guy is acting like a fucking five year old, and over 5 fucking vicodins.  It makes me sick, and I don't like to be around it.  I know it's not your fault completely, but then don't send texts talking about "you should bring some alcohol" when you owe me money and you know I'm fucking broke.  These kinds of incidents are all minor to begin with, but they add up.  Furthermore, I hate to see such intelligent and talented people completely broke and helpless over a lack of money from parents.  I've gotten zero money from my folks for years now, but yet I still manage to hustle up my own daily bread.  I'd be glad to teach you, if your argument's going to be that you are young and inexperienced.  Anyway, that's where it's at.  I don't want to not be friends, but I do need a break.  Not just from you two, either, but from pretty much everyone.  I need some time by myself to clear my head out.  Hopefully you both can understand.  Later.  

4/9/08 09:38 am - Johnny Cash

I love Johnny Cash.  He's the shit.  My girlfriend jackie loves him also, but she's not a fan of my favorite song of his, cocaine blues.  She finds my enthusiasm for the song disturbing, because of the first line of the song, where he talks about shooting his woman.  this is not the issue here.  i pointed out that the song's first line also talks about shooting cocaine, a topic much more near and dear to my heart, frankly.  the song is awesome because it's just all about being an outlaw and making bad choices and being a drug addict and wearing black clothes.  These types of topics have been a large part of my own life.  I wear black clothes myself, and in a much more johnny cash then gothic type of way.  The American outlaw is a dying breed, like the Indian before him.  Most of my friends as well as myself belong to this dying breed, like my friend Jim who went to jail over possession of fucking urine just yesterday.  Johnny Cash tends to get me thinking about it.  This is a guy who stood up his whole life for all us poor bastards who've been  constantly trampled on by what amounts to nothing more then the domestic right arm of an oppressive militarian government.   The American prison system is a brutal and deadly machine.  Anyone who has fallen into the gaping maw of that beast will know just how deeply it can chew you up before it spits you out.  i once was made to spend seven months of my life in a room the size of a bathroom.  that shit is fucked up.  In this show I've been watching, Carnivale, the midget pimp, Samson, once says in reference to an incident, It was bad.  Badder then you can imagine.  Badder then anyone can imagine.  But still, an infinitesimal amount of time when compared to other guys right here in America who have sat for many, many years in the hole.  Like Robert Stroud, the Birdman of Alcatraz.  That guy was in the hole for 53 years.  Or Herman Wallace and Albert Woodfox, two Black Panthers who between them have sat nearly seventy years in the hole in Angola prison in Louisiana.  Or Jack Henry Abbott, the guy who offered to educate Norman Mailer about  the realities of life in a maximum security prison.  He did nearly thirty years in solitary before commiting suicide in 2002- but not before he published In the Belly of the Beast, which was comprised of  his letters to Mailer on the subject.  Abbott pointed out in that book that the effects of  psychologically applied torture can be much more devastating in the long term then the physical tortures employed by the KGB or Gestapo.  The reason, as Josef Goebbels might have pointed out, is the propaganda value.  Our government can claim, as it does, that its prisoners eat good, are not generally physically abused, are given educational and work opportunities, and so on.  However, there is still the human social element to be considered.  Humans are social creatures, and they need interaction with others to survive.  If this is taken from them, it will be far more devastating to them in the long term then any physical suffering.  This is why a fox caught in a trap will chew its leg off trying to escape.  It's also why people doing long term solitary stretches will go on hunger strikes, or hurt themselves awfully in one way or another so at least they can get out of that hated cage for a while.  So, our government has found a way to make themselves look good on the one hand while actually inflicting an even more terrible form of punishment  upon us.  Long term solitary confinement is an American invention.  The first place it was used was Eastern State Penitentiary, in Philadelphia.  The new technique attracted worldwide attention, and no less a personage then Charles Dickens came here to behold it.  When you are locked up, the fear of the hole is with you basically any time you do anything wrong at all, which will probably be frequently since you're bored beyond the point of reason.  The stress of it is enough to permanently change you as a person.  I don't give a damn what anybody says.  Ten years in solitary is enough to alter the personal ontology of a rock.  various police apparatuses have come up with this or that torture device in order to extract information from a human organism.  the iron maiden of dark ages great britain, the Japanese method of bamboo shoots under the fingernails, the Vietnamese technique of putting a hungry rat on top of your stomach inside of a box and then putting coals to him so that he begins to burrow into your very viscera, all the way up to the German threat of the gas chambers.  Alexander Solzenitsyn writes of  the russian cattle trains, uninsulated and freezing, resettling millions across the cyclopean steppes of a country nearly three times the size of this one.  kadath in the cold waste, oh yes.  Solzenitsyn was an interesting case.  He was an officer in the Red Army during WWII, defending the motherland against the most powerful and savage war machine the world had up to that point ever seen.  During his time as a part of this conflict, he wrote a series of incriminating letters to a friend, criticizing in them everything from stalin's conduct running the war to the day to day conditions of a soldier on the front. So, he did eight years in the Russian gulags as a result.  This sort of thing you did not do in Soviet Russia during a war.  The Nazis conventional product line was that the Russian Slavs were mere subhumans, fit for nothing except slave labor and extermination.  However, most of them privately admired both the ruthlessness and organization of the Soviet intelligence apparatus, and employed many KGB techniques during the brief years of the third Reich.  This brings up a point.  If the Gestapo were actually employing a variety of Russian techniques in their own interrogations, then wouldn't that mean that the Russians actually inspired the creation of the world's most notable icon of totalitarianism gone awry?  So, then, let me say this: Jack Abbott points out in his analysis of   Solzenitsyn that really, he wasn't even punished that severely.  In wartime in America, had he been caught  as an officer sending treasonous messages around the country, he would have faced summary execution, or at least  a life sentence in Leavenworth.  In this country, a guy like Jack Abbott can sit for more then twice that long for writing bad checks in Utah.  Abbott did more time then Solzenitsyn, just in the hole.  so you tell me:  who's more terrible an adversary, the Soviets, or us?  The American government has learned its lessons from history very, very well.  They have developed a system much like a rotten egg:  flawless and perfectly designed from the outside, but horribly foul within.  And so this is where we are, guys.  Stuck in a battle we can't win against the most powerful human forces ever assembled.  Our parents the hippies faced off with it, and actually made a decent run against it.  They did so by provoking the beast into attacking, thereby  making it appear to the rest of the world as the vicious bully it's become.  The thing is, though, they are now too old to rise up and do it again, and our generation is so damn directionless that it probably won't be us to carry the torch, and Hunter Thompson is dead.  We are losing our tribe elders now at a geometric rate.  In our time, only sixty years removed from Auschwitz, we as a species have lost any claim to idealism.  and who has arisen to carry the torch?  Barack Obama?  Don't make me sick.  So, oftentimes I listen to old time songs like the ones by Johnny cash and i take comfort.  I'm not the only person out here who's damn disgusted by things.  i just hope we can network in time to turn things around, before this planet once more rolls through the ether utterly devoid of men.

2/22/08 08:39 pm - hating obama

it's not impossible to win an argument with me or anyone else , but it requires a great deal of research and well thought out planning, which is exactly what you'll get from me. i argue using facts and historical reference. george bush has infuriated the country to such an extent that there's an anti conservative backlash sweeping the country right now, opening the door for a dark horse candidate(no pun intended) like obama to slip in through the gap, like carter did in '76. the republicans knew that the anti nixon backlash was of such a nature as to allow almost anyone on the opposing team to get elected. hence, jimmy carter the peanut farmer. he had no idea how to conduct himself in the white house and was steamrolled by reagan in '80. in 2012, obama will be steamrolled the same way even if he does win in this one, and the Conservative Age will continue unabated. view Frank Capra's Mr Smith goes to Washington. the implication is obvious

2/22/08 08:37 pm - hating obama

you know, i do my best to be optimistic about my species but people just seem so damn shortsighted. i really doubt highly that most of the people who voted for obama have done a bit of the research necessary to decide whether or not it was worth the aforementioned risks. sooner or later, this sense of blind complacency is going to put another hitler in office here, and that one will have the means to enforce a "pax americana", as kennedy once put it, through our weapons of mass destruction. i just hope this one doesn't work out too badly for us. at the very least, i see it being another lame duck, jimmy carter type presidency where the rest of the world goes out of their way to take advantage of us because we have a waek leader. anyone wondering what i'm referring to can research the Iran- contra affair. obama in my opinion will probably set a qualified black candidate wanting to be president back a hundred years, because he'll have no idea how to properly conduct himself when cast in the role of most powerful man on earth. the very thought is ludicrous.

2/22/08 05:08 pm - the 2008 election

The issue of the 2008 presidential primaries is one that is causing me great personal distress and disillusionment.  The idea of Barack Obama sitting in the same chair once occupied by the likes of Abraham Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt is of such a nature as to infuriate me to a sickening extent.  This guy is a pretty little fresh faced flash in the pan who represents the most noteworthy chance to get a Republican back in the White House imaginable in any sane scenario.  We as a nation are being afforded a very real chance to get the war pigs out of the political picture for a while.  George W. Bush is one of the most unpopular presidents in American history.  One would think that most Americans would be glad to be rid of him and his evil cabal for a while, including, perhaps at this point most relevantly, John McCain.  However, the situation is more complex upon closer examination.  McCain is not the same type of right wing hardliner that Bush and Cheney are.  His neoconservative, moderate standpoints on many issues have made him a widely acceptable and attractive candidate.  The more people have learned on the issue of his history, the more they seem to like him, as he has used his aforementioned attributes to make himself a tough and durable candidate who will not be easy to beat.  McCain, in many ways, combines the best of many worlds when one considers the political attributes of experience, openmindedness, and toughness.  He was a naval aviator in Vietnam, where he was shot down and badly injured.  He then spent five and a half years as a P.O.W before his release in 1973.  He recovered from this in a highly admirable fashion, entering politics and getting elected to his first office, the U.S. House of Representatives from Arizona’s 1st Congressional District, in 1982. From prisoner of war to successful politician in under 10 years.  This is a guy who knows how to win.  An extremely worthy adversary.  The only thing capable of stopping him, in my opinion, from running roughshod over either a black guy or a woman is the stain on his hands from being another Iraq war supporting crony of George Bush.  I believe people are tired of this war.  The consensus I personally have received from traveling for years around America hearing the word on the street on these issues is that we tend to feel that Afghanistan’s important, because that’s where the guys who inflicted 9/11 on us are hiding out, but Iraq is just an unstable mess that we created for the sake of cheaper oil.  Which has not, incidentally, done a thing for the guy on the street, now paying upwards of three bucks a gallon for gasoline.  John McCain publicly stated on January 3rd of this year that he’s in full support of staying in Iraq for one hundred years.  A hundred years, sending American kids off to die in the name of bringing lasting change to the oldest civilization in the world.  Whose inhabitants have been killing each other over this and that since before the pyramids were built.  Upon America’s military conquest of Iraq, one of the first things we did was to set up little McDonald’s and Burger King stands, like hot dogs or pretzels, in the streets of Baghdad.  Something tells me it will take more then some Chicken McNuggets to successfully execute the idealogical conquest as well.  My belief on the subject is that this war is just as unwinnable as Vietnam was, and for the same reason.  We can go overseas and win fistfights with any other proverbial kid on the block that composes our world.  However, we cannot force them to live their lives according to American standards with all the atom bombs in the world.  This country is less then three hundred years old, and almost certainly viewed as a bit of a johnny- come- lately from the perspective of peoples who have survived life on this planet in their respective areas for thousands of years in some cases.  An idea is much harder to kill then a person.         
Rightwing American policymakers have been notoriously bad at grasping this concept, and have tended to want to play with the might of the American military like so many new toys simply because the events of World War Two have left them in a position to be able to.  And they do not seem eager to give up this amusing privilege.  Dwight Eisenhower, the 34th president of the United States of America, knew that in order to have the resources necessary to win World War Two, he was going to have to make the production of armaments profitable for American industries.  This diabolical alliance between the forces of money and death gave rise to the term military-industrial complex, defined by the nationalisation of armaments firms and control over the arms trade by private industries and the ruling body of the nation.  This complex and its members will henceforth be referred to simply as war pigs, after Black Sabbath’s epic song on the subject.  Eisenhower knew that he was opening Pandora’s Box by breathing life into this particular golem.  In his farewell address to the American public, he warned against the looming spectre of unwarranted influence by this threatening colossus, and wrote in a letter to his wife, Mamie, stating “God help this country if someone ever gets into office who doesn’t understand the military as well as I do.”  Eisenhower knew that the power he’d created would do all they could to keep it.  While he was in office, he held the reins firmly.  Having been the Supreme Commander of Allied Forces during WWII, he knew how to deal with the military.  Unfortunately for the rest of humanity, his predecessor John Fitzgerald Kennedy did not. 
The speculation about the reasons for the assassination of JFK will probably go on forever, with evidence produced on both sides of the controversy in such overwhelming volume that it will be touched upon only briefly here.  But one thing that is beyond question is that the war pigs profited from it immensely, like the Nazis did following the Reichstag fire in 1933, or like Bush and the rest of the gang did again in 2001 following 9/11.  With the great war over, Kennedy envisioned a speedy return to the political climate of pre- war America.  Constitutional boundaries had been shattered by the necessities of wartime situations in a myriad of different ways, including the concentration camps built for Japanese- Americans and the birth of the CIA.  Kennedy had intended to set a lot of things to rights.  One of the first acts of his presidency was the creation of the Peace Corps, an agency designed to provide relief to third world countries.  He publicly stated that it was his avowed intention to “shatter the CIA into a thousand pieces”, he refused to commit us to a large scale conflict in Vietnam, and he made it clear that the civilian government ran things in America, not guns or money.  The opposition was not happy.  The question as to whether or not the war pigs actually killed Kennedy and his brother, who later became an even bigger threat to them, will probably never be answered beyond a shadow of a doubt.  However, the stranglehold these events allowed the war pigs to put the rest of America in could be easily ascertained by anyone brave enough to smoke a joint on the sidewalk could tell you after their trip to a manufactured hell over a plant. 

    The infrastructure of our government was much weaker in the 1960’s then it is now.  The whole thing was damn near overthrown by a bunch of college kids scattered throughout campuses across the country.  To keep the status quo intact, the war pigs were reduced to what was the basic equivalent of  the Nazis’ 1934 Night of the Long Knives, where Hitler ordered the death of anyone he thought might possibly be a threat to him or his beloved Reich.  In the 1960’s, we had an absolute plethora of brilliant, strong, and dedicated leaders.  Men whose boots Barack Obama wouldn’t have been worthy to polish.  The list of those of them who died unnaturally chills the blood.  John and Bobby Kennedy.  Malcolm X.  Martin Luther King.  All these icons of American hopes and aspirations were mowed down like so much cannon fodder.  And now Barack Obama comes along and in essence is attempting to attach himself, like a barnacle, to the legacy of the Summer of Love.  One could hardly be surprised  if Mr Obama meets the same fate. 
   
The only thing that in my opinion will save him is if the powers that be don't even find him worth killing.  It may well be that they are just allowing this because they know he's so beatable.  
All this noise from him about hope and change, but what has he really done to deliver it?  He got elected governor of Illinois on a fluke when Republican primary winner Jack Ryan dropped out of the race due to public disclosure of child custody divorce records containing sexual allegations by Ryan's ex-wife, actress Jeri Ryan.  His new opponent, a guy named Alan Keyes, had less then three months with which to plan a campaign, and so obviously he lost.  Obama has all of 3 years experience as a member of government in Washington, compared to McCain’s 26.  If Nietzsche’s old maxim that what does not kill you makes you stronger is true, then Obama and McCain are a mismatch there too.  John McCain was a Vietnamese P.O.W while Barack Obama was six years old, and probably still wetting his bed.  this is not a worthy fucking adversary.  secondly, what if he did get elected?  we'd be handing over the most powerful military machine that the world has ever known in the hands of a rank amateur, a total unknown who has come frome total obscurity to out of nowhere become the chief executive of the United States, a country whose continued stability secures, de facto, that of the rest of the world?     
    My point is, we don't know this Obama.  We don't really know what he's capable of, or what racial grudges he might be hiding beneath that smiling face.  i'm not  even discounting the possibility that there's something truly sinister about him.  His profile fits that of the biblical antichrist to a t, with all his one world union and equality talk.  the Antichrist, too, is good looking and charismatic.  the antichrist , too, came from relative obscurity to be in a position to destroy the lives of billions.  The mayan calendar ends in 2012, and predicts the end of the world for that year.  obama's first term would be ending right about then.  I don't really believe that Obama's the antichrist, but i do think that putting him in charge of the world's only superpower, during wartime, is reckless and irresponsible to a nightmarish extreme.  His coming to us is as the footsteps of doom.  i feel this in my gut, in the most visceral way describable.  People had better realize that 9/11 was only 7 years ago, and that maybe, at a time when we are at war with Islamic extremists all over the world, it's not a good idea to place the whole of American interests in the hands of a guy named Hussein!  Is this why we fought World War Two?  So that we can just throw the legacy of  American prominence we inherited right into the toilet by handing it over to some unqualified pretty boy?  This is too disgusting for words. 

2/19/08 08:37 pm

I set up this journal for Chris upon request, and I'm just seeing how shit looks around here.

-the girlfriend
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